GenQ - For the not so straight individual

There's a line from Romeo and Juliet that's often misunderstood. Juliet utters from the balcony: "Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?'

It is often assumed that Juliet is pining for her lover, wondering where he is and when she will see him again. Actually, the word "wherefore" in Olde English means, not "where?", but "why?" Juliet is asking why her lover has to be Romeo (a Montague), when she comes from a family (the Capulets) that has been feuding with the Montagues for yonks. Juliet then goes on to say, "a rose by any other name would smell as sweet", meaning that Romeo could be called something else and she would still feel the same. Awww, shucks....

Now what has that to do with being gay, you may well ask? Well, we often assume that, if a person has sex with someone of the same gender, they are gay.But is this true? Is gay just about behaviour, or is it more than that? Are all men who have sex with men gay? Or are there different labels for different kinds of "Romeo"?
 
I believe the latter. Some men have sex with men merely to get their rocks off. They may have done it as teenagers, experimenting with their mates, and found they enjoy it. They therefore continue it into adulthood, and, especially if they have wives or girlfriends, keep it secret. The late homosexual writer, Quentin Crisp, would have called them, simply, "sexual". He would probably also have said that most men are like this, provided they can overcome their hang-ups (religious, moral, heterosexist, homophobic, etc.).

Then there are those men who are emotionally attracted to other guys. This is not to say they are not physically attracted as well, but they are, at some point in their sexual development, emotionally attracted. They enjoy sex with men, but they especially enjoy being loved, and loving, another man. These Romeos' desire for male-male emotional attachment does not entirely leave them, although they may suppress it for fear of being hurt, to avoid suspicion from family/peers, and so on. The cowboys in Brokeback Mountain were a prime example.

The above are just two types of Romeo, and, or course, there are many variations. But it is the latter type for whom the label "gay" may be most appropriate. Problems occur when the latter type of Romeo meets the former ("bi" or "straight"?) type, and expects more than just uncomplicated sex. They may be mortified when, after the deed, Romeo number one makes a hasty exit without so much as a word, let alone a goodbye kiss.

But if the "Romeo" rule is applied, all is understandable. Romeo number ones are simply roses by another name. If you accept them for how they are, and not pretend they are really gay, but cannot come to terms with it, you are less likely to get hurt or not have your expectations met.

You may also be more likely to have fantastic sex! Romeo number ones are often great in bed, and not into game playing beforehand, or bitchy gossip afterwards. Perhaps they can even teach us number twos a thing or two? Maybe that's why they often seem to be part of our erotic fantasies! The important thing to remember is that they are unlikely to love us the same way we may love them, and if we make an issue of this, it may lead to an end to the relationship, whatever form it takes. Now that would be tragic, wouldn't it - just like a Shakespearean drama...