GenQ - For the not so straight individual

To some, jury duty is an annoying disturbance to the routine of life. To me, jury duty is like winning the lottery: the odds are low, and the reward is high. Maybe it doesn't involve high-powered sports cars and a bottomless bank account, but I watch my Law & Order and know just how full of promise jury service can be. To help other budding young jurors out there, I've put together a comprehensive guide based on my experience.

1. SELECTION
For those not familiar with the Victorian jury process, names are randomly selected from the electoral roll and sent an eligibility questionnaire. This launches a series of events that I can only describe as ?rounds?, each leading successful citizens one step closer to the jury box.

Responding to the questionnaire is the first stage of a prospective juror's journey, and begs the question, ?is immediacy the preferred response, or does keenness work negatively, sending forms straight into a pile marked ?over-enthusiastic jury-mongers??? There are many opinions on this matter, however I subscribe to the ?first in, best dressed? approach and was rewarded: I passed round one and was issued with a summons.

2. WALKING THE WALK
In the lead up to the big day, it is important to carefully plan every aspect. Memorise your train timetable, pack a bag full of goodies to keep yourself occupied, and craft an outfit to achieve a result not too traditional, yet not too funky. While at the very core of the jury process is the notion of random selection, the final say is determined in the courtroom, and seemingly based solely on occupation and appearance. As such, jury duty is not an appropriate time to wear an item of clothing emblazoned with a slogan such as ?Burn in Hell?.

3. BINGO
Every major decision on jury duty is made by taking a ballot. I'm not talking about the trivial matters our government requests our input on at election time; jury ballots are Big Stuff. Keep in mind that it is also the only stuff that gives jury prisoners the chance to escape the hellish clutches of what's known as the ?Jury Pool Room?. So when 400 people are told that there is a trial in need of a jury, every single one will pull out their ticket and stare at it hopefully, desperately.

As numbers are drawn out, many happy faces will run towards the foyer, struggling to conceal their excitement amongst the disappointed masses. It's kind of like Wednesday night bingo at the local RSL, but without the corned beef and scorecards. Please note, however, that success in a Pool Room ballot does not guarantee entry to a jury. It is thus considered inappropriate to send smug looks to those left behind. After all, you could be back there with them within the hour.

4. COURT FASHION
When observing fashion, one cannot ignore the attractively styled white wigs that are donned by the judge, defence and prosecution. These wigs are also worn about town as various courtroom notables dine out for lunch. Paired with a bat-like cape, the wig is an accessory for all occasions.

The next exhibit of the courtroom is a curious character known as a ?tipstaff?. Tipstaves wear an emerald green suit with ornate gold trim, and somewhat resemble an overgrown leprechaun. Please note, they do not sing and dance and such requests will be received with contempt.

5. EXCUSE ME
When in a courtroom, the judge will reveal various titbits about the case to be tried. Anyone with prior knowledge of the case or the parties involved is required to excuse him or herself. This is a difficult time for keen jurors. On one hand is the democratic right of the accused to an objective trial, but on the other is the experience of being on a real, live jury.

The first step in an excuse is to proceed to the front of the courtroom to swear on the Bible or take an affirmation. Next, each excuse-seeker must step into the witness box and tell the judge their story. Now, we're not talking about ?my dog ate my homework? excuses; they have to be pretty damn good as the process takes place in front of a courtroom of sneering legal-eagles.

6. THE FINAL SHOWDOWN
Once excused jurors have left the courtroom, the ballot box makes its final appearance. This is a little different to previous ballots, so pay attention. If one of the lucky few, your name and occupation will be read out, and you will have to strut from your seat, past the accused, to the jury box. Once seated in the jury box, you are in the jury, my friend. If, however, the accused says ?challenge? at any time, you must return to your seat; your journey is over. This is why appearance plays such a large role; it can make or break a jury dream.

Waiting for the results of that final ballot can be a very stressful time. Knowing that they have come so far since that initial questionnaire, prospective jurors realise this is their last chance to make it onto a trial. It is not uncommon to see pained expressions on the faces of your comrades, as they channel all available energies towards their goal. When it does finally happen, and you walk that well-travelled path from hopeful citizen to empanelled juror, it is a surreal feeling. Get up, walk confidently past the accused, and take your place in the jury box. Or, if you feel at risk of a ?challenge?, just sprint from your seat to the box. Either way, you're in.

Bingo.