GenQ - For the not so straight individual

Communication is the key to any relationship, any expert will tell you the same thing, and I am sure we've all heard it before. But how many people are actually listening to this advice? Not many, and this article hits close to home. I did mention in an earlier article about the new boyfriend of mine, "wonderboi". He has a problem with communication.

The way I see things, is that life should be kept as simple as possible, and life should be viewed as either black or white, none of this shades of gray in between, as if gay life isn't complicated enough!

How hard is it to talk about how or what you are thinking and even how you feel. How hard is communication? If only communication was as easy as some of the guys on the scene.

We live in such a busy world, no one has time for guessing games, how are we supposed to know what others are thinking, if they don't tell us? Not everyone has a degree in human behavioral physcology.

Life is not a Hollywood movie, where the characters seem to have no job, spending every minute of their lives dedicated to their relationship and seem to know exactly what to say, when to say it and when the exact moment for that dramatic loving kiss. It's just not normal, it's just not real life.

How many people can honestly say that they have the perfect relationship? How many people can actually say they know exactly what their partner is thinking and feeling, especially when it comes to building a new relationship?!

Here's where the Dr Love relationship cheat sheet comes in to play. COMMUNICATION! To have the perfect relationship in the busy working world we live in is to build your relationship on communication. Simple communication, such as talking about your day, what bothers you? What you like and dislike.

There is much to communication, if we lived in a perfect world, every one would talk openly about how they felt or what was on their mind. But we don't, life isn't that simple, as we all know some people just have no clue when it comes to communication, some people just don't know how to talk.

So what do you do when you come across some one who is hard of communication skills? Ask questions, be creative, entice an answer or response, (but remember not to entice the response you want, but the repose they feel) start by asking simple questions. How does that feel? What's on your mind? What do you want to do? How was your day?

You will find that some people won't respond to these questions very well, and will give you simple one word or one sentence answers. That's where you have to be more creative. Lets look at those questions again and see how one can make them more creative to get a better response from some one who lacks the skill of communication.

How does that feel? (often asked in the bedroom), which is a simple question and is normally simply answered, "yeah that's good". Could be creatively not asked at all, but using ones skillful judgment by reading a persons facial expressions or pleasured reactions to what you do.

What's on our mind? Again another simple question, and often the response is "umm nothing". Now this one could be changed into something way more creative and exciting. Such as "... so if you where a smurf right now which one would you be in relation to your mood?" This works because most of the smurf's characters and names are based on human emotions, and if not, because there are like 101 smurfs you can create a smurf to fit any human smurf, such as grumpy smurf, or I'm ready to do my head in smurf, or my partners favorite smurf lazy smurf. This is not only creative but cute as well, it should bring a smile to anyones face no matter what the mood. But be careful not to use it to often, when cute things are used on high rotation they loose their cuteness and become annoying, similar that to wonderboi's favorite song gimme head by the radiators.

How many people can honestly say that they have the perfect relationship? How many people can actually say they know exactly what their partner is thinking and feeling, especially when it comes to building a new relationship?!

Here's where the Dr Love relationship cheat sheet comes in to play.

Next on the list is probably the most annoying of all questions when not answered properly. What do you want to do? When asked is it's simplest form is often answered with the simple answer " I dunno". How annoying! If I get ready to scream when wonderboi or any one in fact answers me like that. That's why I never ask that question that way, the creative cap goes on and questions like this come out. We've just won lotto, where in the world would you go or do first? Now how ever they answer the question, decipher their answer and do something that is within the budget. For example, if they answered a cruise on the medertarian, take your un communicable person on a ferry trip to an Italian or greek restaurant for lunch or dinner. Simple when you have the advice to help you along!

And finally, How was your day? Another simple question, that is often asked on auto pilot when you see your partner at the end of another day. Again answered simply by saying "yeah it was ok". Now this is just not good enough! This was a perfect opportunity to build your relationship into a stronger partnership using the tool that is communication!
Get creative! Ask something crazy like "... what where you doing at oh say about 2:30pm today?" (if they get all defensive, you may have some trust issues brewing, but we'll cover that in a later article) or remember things that they have told you from previous days, like a job they where working on, or client they where working with. Be attentive to what's going on in your partners life and be precise with the questions you ask, stop asking broad questions to start a conversation, ask definitive questions, pay attention, absorb and evaluate their answers. How else will you learn about the person your with if you don't?

Now don't let me here you say Dr Love I don't have a creative bone in my body, I can't do this, it's to hard! Cause that answer is bullshit! Yes you read right, bullshit! you may not be as creative as other people but deep down everyone has an imagination, every one can think, everyone has the ability to step out side the norm that is laziness and try something new, all it takes is a little bit of effort, and doesn't your relationship deserve more than the norm? Now don't forget I'm not just talking about the person your sleeping with, these laws or relationship extent further than your partner, they also include, your family, your friends, your work mates, your customers, your neighbor, the person who makes your coffee in the morning!

The aim here is to build your relationship through the tool of communication. As we looked at earlier, our lives are in now way like that of a Hollywood romance movie, we don't have the pre planned and expertly written scripts, we don't have people to help us along the way, we don't have all the time in the day to get things right the first time. Take advantage of what you have read here today, keep life simple, talk about what's on your mind, keep things black and white, and above all talk to those who care for you and you care about. And why not, life's to short to waste time on regret..