GenQ - For the not so straight individual

I'm worried. Very worried. I'm a sex writer, I make a living from talking about sex. But times are a changing and I may soon be very redundant.

The latest trend in sex is? not having any. Celibacy is the latest in-thing, and we sex-writers are on the way out it would seem. When ever anyone tells me they're celibate my immediate thought is that they're simply not getting any at the moment. But apparently, celibacy is now a valid life-style choice.

It's not just catholic priests who take vows of celibacy nowadays. First lady of Pop, Britney Spears, is possibly the world's most famous celibate woman, saying she wanted to save herself for marriage (with the exception of Justin Timberlake, and who can blame her for that). More and more people are turning to celibacy as a means to escape the sex-crazed world we live in.

I spoke to a friend of a friend, Paul, who has been celibate for nearly a year now.

?It was weird at first, I was getting hit on all the time, and normally I'd of took them outside and shagged them there and then, but saying no and going home alone was strange?

Paul was driven to celibacy by a string of destructive failed relationships. ?I'd put up with so much shit in the past couple of years, that sex had lost all meaning for me, it was just some mechanical action. So I decided to stop having it?

And he's not looked back. He has no intention of ?keeping it up? (so to speak) for ever, but until he feels more secure, he's not going to have sex.

Sex has become remarkably devalued in modern times. It is available everywhere, day or night, virtually anyone's sexual perversion can be met at almost anytime.

I spoke to sexual therapist friend of mine and she told me that abstinence is often an effective tool in sex therapy.

?Sex is a remarkable thing, but something people often enter into rather lightly. People tend to think of it as a mechanical thing, whereas actually it's a chemical and emotional act. I often advise people to stop having sex when they first enter therapy, this way they can learn more about themselves, there bodies, there sexual desires and needs. It's only when we stop doing, and start thinking, that we can get any clarity?

We tend to associate intimacy with sex, but these two aren't necessary permanent bedfellows.

?Sex is truly good when there is true intimacy? my sex therapist friend tells me ?and we can only gain true intimacy when we aren't concentrating on the actual act of sex but are instead concentrating on ourselves and our emotional needs?.

People take holidays from work, breaks from their partners and friends, so why shouldn't we take breaks from sex.

Imagine not worrying about your performance, your stamina; imagine not having to worry about how much you're pleasing whoever you're in bed with.

Celibacy provides an end to the worry and anxiety that invariably comes with sex. We appreciate far more of the world around us, when we aren't worrying about other things. One of the best things about not having sex, Paul tells me is that you learn to see people in a different light.

?You see people out on the scene for what they really are. You can see people playing games, and little tricks with other people, and it feels so good to not be a part of the games anymore?

Celibacy obviously isn't for anyone; but it has a lot more going for it than we might initially think. Ask yourself this question ?why am I having sex?? If the answer is that you're in love, or even that you're in lust ? that's fine. But if you're doing it to prove a point, or to boost your confidence, or cheer yourself up ? is sex really the way to go about doing it? Sometimes not having is much better than having.