GenQ - For the not so straight individual

I'm sure most people were uplifted upon getting a copy of MCV this week. Right on the front cover was a massive group of gay youth at Pride March with a banner proclaiming ?Young and Proud.? Is this a sign of the times?

I was young (once), and I was reasonably proud, but when I was in high school there was no way that I would have outed myself to anyone. I can't think of a single person in my city that was in high school and was openly gay. Sure, there were suspicions, but they always stamped out by the possible poof with a well-timed date or a stash of straight porn being found in his or her locker or something. Even possible bisexuals were shunned like the plague. No one was ready to open themself up to the torment he or she would have received from the general populace. It was ?social suicide? (maybe more) for a single person to be gay in a sea of gay students.

Flash forward six years to the present day. Massive groups of gay students are coming out of the woodworks, proud of who they are, and are finding what I would assume to be security and comfort in numbers. We've gotten to a point where students can confide in their sexuality to one another, know they're not alone, and then do something about it. I am so proud of this and truly happy for people that feel they can come out and not be ruining their life. I think back to emails I've received from older gentleman who have written to tell me how lucky I am to be able to out myself at 18; now I feel I should be writing 12 year olds to tell them the same thing.

I recently got an email from a distant Aunt just catching up with me. She brought me up to speed on what was happening with her family and then moved onto her thoughts and feelings on me.

?[I] have browsed your site off and on for awhile, and could never figure out how or what made such a good looking kid "switch camps"!?

She does go on to say how brave I was to come out, and she truly is positive about my sexuality, but despite all this, I couldn't help being hung up on that one sentence. I drone on and on through my website about being gay, and how I knew in my mind and all that, but still, my 40-odd year old Aunt still doesn't quite get it. While she is very understanding and accepting, the fact that she believes I ?switched camps? still shows me education needs to continue.

I had a girlfriend. For two years, in fact. I did have feelings for her, but I knew all along that those feelings were never as they should be. I checked out guys on dates, I went home after a date and discovered the many uses of the internet (porn, porn, and porn, all of it gay), and eventually knew I had to tell her I was gay as to not destroy her life and mine. Doing it two years into the relationship sent her into a spiral that hurt both her and me as it was. I'm pleased to just quickly note that girl is doing fine now and is even getting married to an honest-to-goodness loving straight-boy (be gone, guilt!).

I do understand how my Aunt sees this. I had a girlfriend for two years and then decided I was gay. But I didn't wake up and decide that girls weren't for me anymore; I knew all along that they weren't, but I tried to conform and pretend it could work. If anything, I tried ?switching sides? to be with that girl.

Coming out is an awesome feeling, but wouldn't not having to come out be even better? Is it foolish to dream of a time where it isn't assumed you're straight or gay? Where some don't? feel the need to be who they aren't and potentially cause much pain and suffering in the long term? People would ask about a partner rather than a girlfriend or boyfriend? Am I thinking of an impossible utopia, or are we steadily getting to that point? I've no idea, in doing my part to try to get us there, I can't wait to find out.