GenQ - For the not so straight individual

The first would be depression accompanied with binging to Julia Roberts followed closely by some diet Sarah Jessica Parker was spotted using last summer so she could fit into her Gucci. And the second would be shopping non stop and constantly going out with friends being the biggest flirt possible with that bar tender at F4 that keeps giving me that look that says ?What you doing later boy??, but that's the question that really has me thinking lately, what am I doing later, lately things just kinda fly at me and I jump when told to jump, I don't question anything, well I didn't until something happened to me last Saturday night.

For six months of my youth I dated a guy who we shall call, Brewer, now when you are sixteen years old and gay, six months can seem forever with someone and I was truly in love with this guy and his feeling I could tell where nearly as intense as mine. Now Brewer had this wandering eye, and I can tell you that it wasn't going to stop for me, it kept wandering and I spent most of the relationship feeling like I was in competition with every guy that he knew. There was this one, we shall refer to this, guy, as Kermit, now Brewer and Kermit were apparently best of friends, Brewer lived out of the city about two hours by train while Kermit lived eight minutes from me. But they talked on the net and phone, Brewer made sure to mention Kermit every single time we spoke, really got sick of that. I didn't know Kermit but one night at Minus18 my boy, Brewer, introduces me to Kermit and I'm like, ?Oh hi'yeah?? as all could tell I wasn't impressed and I was convinced something was going on.

The next day my mum wanted Brewer to head back to his home town cause my sister would be leaving soon for Canada and we wanted family time, and I believe that was quite reasonable, so we get in a fight right before he leaves about the fact that he doesn't show me any love or emotion anymore, this is about four months in, he storms off and I head to work, I apologise but yeah, he doesn't. So five minutes after his train back home is supposed to leave I call him, but he is still in Melbourne, he is staying at Kermit's place for three days.

It's three days later, he is home, and I get a call, ?Cam I'm sorry I kissed Kermit, can I have second chance? my response was yes okay you can have a THIRD chance to prove ya love me. Things go on, a threesome that really hurts me, we go on a break for a couple of weeks, and another one of his ?friends?, Marc, stays with him for a weekend and I'm told nothing happens, seeing as on this break we promised that nothing would happen with anyone else I was a little upset thinking something was going on.

We get back together and I head up to his place for his school production in his home town, yet he invited some others up, one of my dearest friend Chris was there (thank god), Marc and Kermit were also invited, as you could tell I was furious with this. So then the first night Kermit and I get talking, and I put things aside for the weekend for Brewer's sake, and I discover that Kermit and I are really compatible as friends, then when I go to bed, Brewer turns to me and tells me that he did more then kiss Kermit, that they had slept together. I then was an idiot'and took him back for a sixth time. Next day, he is a real asshole to me and treats me like total crap so I finally get him alone and I ask, ?Do you still love me?? and that sets off him breaking up with me.

So for the next three hours I was crappy company as I was in fits of tears and would suddenly start abusing people but my friends Chris and Zara really looked after me, other information I gained after the break up was that he has slept with Marc and lied and that him and Rimas had actually been dating for three days and they went and saw my friends hand in hand while my friends thought we were still together. So here it comes, I confront him, Kermit, and he is nearly as shocked by some things as me, it seems Brewer told Kermit that we had broken up when they started going out and then Brewer told Kermit that he was giving me another chance, THE NERVE OF THAT GUY. So Kermit and I, become super close, and I admit right here and right now, I had a major crush on him, and I seriously wanted him, but Chris beat me to that.

In the coming weeks I would cry, get myself a new boyfriend Tim, Kermit and I would be come the closest of friends (closer then any I know, which is better then being a couple, we have something more) and Chris breaks up with Kermit, so now here I am, in this relationship that's going wonderful while a part of me still wants Brewer, who has now acquired a new boyfriend called Natsirt for now. Yet at the same time I really care for Tim, so I am getting pulled in so many directions while things are flying on around me in my life. As I have never had an unfaithful boyfriend I get on Tim's case one night that he gets out, and he responds with ?I've never cheated and never will, I love you and couldn't do that to you?. So then in comes the latest Minus18 where I get to know Natsirt afterwards, and I hold nothing against him while shooting greasies at Brewer. And it turns out that it is Natsirts birthday so I figure I'm allowed to give him a birthday hug, and I do, only to receive the biggest load of crap from Brewer.

So Saturday comes and we had planned to meet up for lunch, now I'm gonna tell the truth, I had hoped to try and win him back, and since he didn't like who I was I decided I'd try something new, I got a new outfit, and when I put it on I felt more real and comfortable then what I usually wore to impress him, it wasn't tight pants and a tight top, it was kinda bigger, the pants were fat pants while the shirt just sat perfectly with a vest over the top that made me look very uni student, and I felt really good about myself cause I was actually receiving more looks from guys then ever, so I used to hate the news paper, decided I would read it, and I did, I found a copy of MCV (a gay newspaper) and found that it was kinda cool, finally tried coffee, and suddenly I changed from hating coffee to loving it, I opened up an art folio and started just, doing stuff, cutting things out and just drawing (WOW I CAN ACTUALLY DRAW, very shocked about that) and so I go and I meet him, and well I try really hard but he keeps shooting me down and making me feel like crap, and it starts to work, so I give up. We then meet two others and we head off to a caf