GenQ - For the not so straight individual

Is it in his kiss?

What's the difference between the Men and the Boys?

We cannot understand men and masculinity without understanding power. I believe that views of men as an all-powerful homogeneous group have limited our understanding of men's relationship to power. First, because they have often argued or implied that all men are equally powerful when this is not so and second, because men's subjective experiences of power may not match their social position. A recognition of the complexities of power relations opens up new possibilities for feminist analyses and clearer implications of the ways in which men can change their subjectivities and practices in relation to power.

You keep hearing that ?It's a man's world? and ?Men have all the power,? but it certainly doesn't seem that way to you. In fact, you have the uneasy feeling that because you're male you're a sort of second-class human being in certain important ways. Is something wrong with you? Are you going crazy?

Easily said; the men have their lives in a somewhat hectic order: European car, smartly cut suits and a corporate calendar planned months in advance, including long haul international flights, belated boyfriends waiting for them on the other side of the globe, either spending up big on a new stereo or TV from Bang & Olufson for the cosy mortgaged flat, or dipping into their devoted husbands investments to sniff up a few bits and pieces from Armani, Gucci or Louis Vuitton, while simultaneously planning the reason for such a splurge, if caught out, of course, at the airport, while collecting the prized bread winning partner. But is it really that simple? It comes as no news to any of us that it's possible, if in the right industry and holding the right certificates. Even a man of mid 20s can be earning a disposable income, certainly enough to afford their own flat, sports car and endless supply of chemicals and dance party tickets.

So finding a ?Real Man? does pose a problem for those of us who are intelligent enough to see past a 1 night stand and nameless partners, awkward encounters of last weekend's trade and his boyfriend at the local store. So where on earth do we find the hand book, or rules or something to point us in the right direction of that aloof Mr. Right? Finding a man who displays the attributes necessary to help you grow, and build yourself into a man, and, in the process, contribute to years of happiness and a monogamous secure relationship.

It's not easy to find a gay guy who does not coin the use of the word ?boyfriend? as readily as he changes his underwear or replaces his weekly travel pass. The word resonates immaturity and a lack of real commitment I feel as it is used so carefree and casually.

I've no book of secrets, nor my advice be taken as anything gospel, though I do have a few pointers as to where to start. Keep in mind; genetics can be deceiving, you don't have to have an endless cash supply to look aesthetically pleasing, as even Ryan Phillip would look amazing in Top-Shop Kit.

The Watchmaker: Always look at his watch. As time is one's most valuable commodity especially time kept on a Channel Chronograph time piece, you know immediately this man means money, power and strength.

The Shoes: Chinese medicine recognizes the foot as having a direct link to all the other major organs within our body, so it comes as no surprise that metaphorically speaking at the bottom of all our feet are the soles of the feet, I liken this also to the ?Soul?. A lot can be said for a man who prides himself by the shoe he wears. Rubber souls, pressurised air and springs are at home inside the gym or on the dance floor of a party, though ideally you're looking for a crafted hoof, clad in soft leather, lined and soled with leather and/or wood. I'm a strong believer that black shoes are best left for weddings, funerals and the office, so as you could imagine I have every colour shade of cream, beige, brown, chocolate through to various reptiles and amphibians which were once alive The trend is towards a slimmer shoe, without laces, thin soles, elongated toe, slightly with a blunt squared-off tip or, if your able to pull off the poncho and skinny jeans, winkle pickers, (keep in mind can you really take a man donning this style seriously?) thongs, flip-flops, slides, gummies? whatever you call them, they're better left for brunch or visits to the sea, as there is no excuse for a man to bare his foot after 5.

The Jeweller: A dead give away firstly if he is married. Falling for a married man is not advisable, as the only women a gay man should have to endure at lengths is his mother. So bantering and arguing with a married man's wife is a battle not worth fighting. Though a man will usually buy selected classic pieces with function and be understated luxury to simply state certain features, thoughts or activities. A real man will never accessorize with play jewellery, bangles, or other such novelties. They are given as gifts from loved ones and family. Showing this to the world affirms his stability and comfort within himself, something many boys parading as men lack, and ultimately don't bare the fruit of a promising relationship.

I hope I haven't just stated the obvious, though its little words of advice that I would have welcomed in years gone by. If only finding Mr. Right was as simple as deciding what to wear on a Friday night, and even us boys have trouble with that at times.

Happy hunting.