GenQ - For the not so straight individual

Let me just start off by saying how ridiculously good it feels when all the thoughts that linger in your head are organized and put on paper.

What makes a good, no scratch that, what makes a great writer? Is it the writer's style of writing, the way a story is arranged, the way it grabs your attention? To me what makes a great writer is when they write the truth. Of course, we all like reading about perfect lives and perfect storylines. But what I believe gets people reading something is it's relevance. How well a reader can connect to the writer. The truth in stories ground us and reassure us that we are all human and that we are not perfect. This is my truth.

Religion has many meanings behind it but, we can come to a consensus of the word by simply taking the first letters of the word, to rely. In almost all religions we rely on something or someone to give us strength, to give us patience, to give us wealth, to give us health, to give us love. But the underlying theme is there; to rely. Now, I bring this topic up for several reasons. One being that people always ask me if Im still Catholic. Just because Im gay, doesnt mean that one day I woke up and decided to go evil. What is evil? Why do people like categorizing people? I just dont get it, how people are always so concerned with others that arent like them. I know that the bible says homosexuality is bad and that its sin and what have you. But I mean look at what the church has done through out the centuries, with the Spanish inquisition, molestation cases, isn't that sin? I would be here all night talking about my views on religion. But the one thing that I do want to say about religion is that I do rely. I rely on God and the Virgin Mary. I always pray at night, and when I get in the car most of you guys see me cross myself. I turn to my religion when I need strength, when I need hope, when I need help.

I've never watched Oprah till the nights I would spend the night at my friend Sonny's house. Lets face it: Oprah is amazing. One thing that stuck with me while watching her 20th anniversary special was... well actually two things. One, exactly what I'm doing now, writing everything down because through writing we can let people into our lives. People can help us, or without knowing it we can help others. And the thing that I will always take with me forever was her notion of letting go and releasing. Well what you do when youre stuck on something or someone, you let it go. You tell yourself that its not meant to be and just let it go. In Oprah's case, she wanted a role in a movie and she didn't get a call back, so when she was at the gym she prayed to God saying that the movie role wasnt meant to be and she wanted to let go of it, so she wanted to release it. But as lucky as she is, as soon as she let it go, he manager called her saying she landed the role.

Now here comes the math, religion plus letting go gives you the point in life where I am at. I am ready to leave my home here in Lodi, and start off my new life in San Diego. But I feel as if I can't start off new without closing off the past. I want to let go of all the people that have done me wrong and let go of my exes who still linger in my heart and head. Theres a point in your life where you have to realize that what we want isn't always what will get. To a select few.

To the one who stopped loving, I miss you terribly, but youre easy influenced by your friends, your surroundings, it's only when you and I are alone that I am happy. I thought I would always have a place for you in my heart, but I realize that what I love was you in the past, something that I can't ever get back.

To the one who gave up and walked away, I saw a husband in you, someone who I could see myself with for life. But what you thought was your strength in reality was your weakness. Being real isnt about voicing your opinions and shut others up for voicing theres. Maturity doesnt come with age, maturity comes from experience.

To the one who deceived me, I only wish the best for you. I only wish for you to value the meaning of a true friendship. It only takes a single action to erase built up trust and compassion. I hope you gain confidence, candor, and most importantly handling situations.

Letting go is easy but releasing is the hard part. It's the truth that we all want, but not always what we want to hear.