GenQ - For the not so straight individual

The beat queen is my idol - she taught me everything I know about life and sex! The fact that she is over seventy and wears a wig doesn't worry me, even though it would be better if she could dye the hairpiece grey to match the colour of her real hair. I'm not even bothered by the fact that she has a boyfriend. In fact, it's a real turn-on. He sometimes takes part in our outdoor orgies. The more the merrier, I say! Fun in the sun, as nature intended.

Yeah, it's a shame about the toilet paper, used condoms, and wrappers we left behind recently. Now that's pretty gross, and not up to our usual form. "Keep Australia Beautiful" is our beat motto. It's sad we can't have unprotected sex anymore, and use the grass to wipe our shitty arses. Leave only footprints and take only photos, like we did in the good old days.

Speaking of photos, it's a pity our Polaroids didn't turn out. It must have been because we were interrupted by those pesky thirteen-year-old boys who kicked up a stink. Now, if we'd been a bunch of lesbians, the kids would be taking their own photos with their designer camera phones, and forwarding them to their mates. But a bunch of tired old faggots just didn't make the grade.

So they had to ruin it all, didn't they? Run off to the police and tell them about the dirty old men in the bushes. It fair ruined my day, it did. I mean, the beat has been a regular hangout for us geriatrics for decades, and you always knew when there would be action. Now we have to find some place else to go with our walking frames.

Perhaps we could try the new sauna. The cops would leave us alone then, wouldn't they? We'd be good consumers like the rest of the mob. Although I doubt we'd get much fresh trade. Now if we were young and looked like Thorpie, that would be different. Good, clean-cut kid with HIGH MORAL VALUES. He obviously uses all the right products...

...Unlike the beat queen with her two-toned hair. But, don't get me wrong. The beat queen IS still my idol. She's been doing it all her life and doesn't give a rat's arse what people think. She doesn't even read the Murdoch press or watch Today Tonight. She may even have an OPEN MIND. Now that's what I call Queer!