GenQ - For the not so straight individual

Two very dear friends of mine, a couple, have been dating for about a year and a half. They're immeasurably cute together, are looked up to by others, especially single grrls looking for that ?one? relationship. They're young, they're free, they're happy, and have their whole lives together in front of them?

?or that's the image they'd like the rest of the world to see. Behind their doors, and confessed in whispers to the ears of close friends, they have problems. Everyone does, that's not a problem; the problem is that these two friends are maintaining an air of happiness around them when inside they're hanging onto their relationship by a thin scrap of thread.

Friend number one, who does exist and who's name I won't be divulging (and please note the difference with this admission compared to the ?New Gay? in a previous article), made a mistake about halfway through her relationship with Friend number two (similarly, nameless and existing). She cheated for a few months on her partner, creating a rift in the relationship that has taken quite a while to patch up. The cheater admits that her mistake was the worst of her life, and the thing she most regrets.

Friend two was obviously taken aback by this admission, withdrawing into herself for a period and relying on friends and family to support her through a troubled time. Friend one went to her friends as well; close friends like me heard both sides of the story. Both friends are near and dear to me, and their admissions and fears all made sense to me. I didn't hate Friend one, but I did hate her choice; I did sympathize for Friend two but I never took her side. Staying as neutral as possible has left me in a position where even today I'm consulted by both friends. They've been open to me and each other through the healing process, and I personally thought things were getting back to normal.

Fast forward to today ? guess I was a bit wrong. Friend two is confessing that her other single friends are picking up whenever they'd like, and is also feeling the pressure that Friend one's past transgressions have placed upon the relationship. She's decided the best thing she can do in her position is to just succumb to the thought in the back of her mind to experiment as her partner did. She's told Friend one, and both have them have told me, each asking for me not to tell the other.

Friend two assures me that this isn't a move to ?even the score,? or to exact revenge; she says that she's not even sure if her cheating partner was the catalyst for her feelings now. She says she still loves her partner very much and sees her in her future for the rest of her life, but right now she's a bit absorbed in her own feelings. When I try to confirm the reasons behind his actions, she just mumbles, ?I dunno'you know??

Friend one is mortified at the thought of what's happening. She blames herself for what has happened and even though she is furious at the situation and the people who are now trying to court her partner, she tries her best to understand and co-operate. She encourages her partner to be happy but doesn't confess her own fears of the situation. When I ask her why she won't let her partner know, she mumbles ?I dunno'you know??

It's painful to see my friends like this, and even more painful when I realized that dreaded ?O? word would come into play. Open Relationship. One's not entirely sure if she wants one or not, the other's positive she doesn't but is almost pushing it on the other in a way because she doesn't want to be seen as a hypocrite or as getting in the way of her partner's happiness. Neither partner is confessing their feelings wholly or truthfully, and in that way they're escalating the situation to a breaking point.

It's getting so bad now that they're throwing around the idea of having a break so they don't feel guilty about or can't be as hurt by anything that happens from there. They're closing themselves off to each other to be open for others, as they put on a fa