GenQ - For the not so straight individual

This article continues on from the safe way to express your feelings without getting hurt.

Conversation no-nos.

It has happened a number of times in the past, when the conversation gets so dull that you resort to what some people would consider the "Emergency Topic".

Make note: these topics are not nor should not be on discussion, as in most cases it’s a deterrent and can easily make you a “turn off� case. Not a “turn on�. Topics like the following are best discussed with friends, not the guy you’re showing interest in:

The Ex Factor: Whether it’s your ex or theirs, try steering well away because if you feel the need to talk about your past relationships or he feels the need to talk about his then it can be saying you’re not over your past relationship, or he’s not over his or that you’re sussing him out already!

Signs of the word “relationship� will automatically make you ‘avoid material’. Things related to the past should stay in the past. Don’t ask why he and his ex broke up as the reason may cause your insecurities to surface, (on both ends) as well as branding that ‘desperate’ title on your forehead.

General advice would be to not speak about the cons about your past relationships, because this may suggest you’re on the hunt for sympathy in which most guys will get turned off.

Even if you’re after a once off fuck, keep it at that!

Recommendation: Forget the past (it won’t likely be changing any time soon). It’s best to let bygones be bygones, that way you can move on with a brighter and happier future. If you aren’t over your past, and tend to be repeating how much you miss one of your past partners, then maybe it would be best staying well away from the “falling for a guy� side of things and maybe considering some therapy, which will assist you in moving on.

The Weather: Well raising this conversation starter shows that you have run out of things to say. Avoid it at all costs by observing and getting to know the person you’re showing specific interest in. This should raise a number of interesting tongue amusers. Ask question, Be proactive & don’t be shy.

The Negatives and Down Sides to Life: Who will want to listen to a sad sack? Yes, ok, it’s good to vent off from time to time, but for now you need to leave that type of talk to friends. As in the present moment (you’re prime time) you’re trying to make a half decent impression of yourself, that shows the other person who you really are, not a fabled covered-up person.

If things with this person become more “part time/full time� (I would say give it a good three months before you start confiding in your beau) Remembering to always avoid the “Ex-relationship� talk.

Before going out or even meeting with someone off the net or wherever else people meet others these days, check out goss magazines, or perhaps do a search on the net for websites which have interesting facts and info (for example, go to www.google.com and do a web search on “Conversation starters� or “Interesting gossip�). If all else fails, go to the last reliable source of good conversation starters: your hairdresser (that’s if you like being relatively groomed, but if you don’t need a haircut, contact one of your closest friends and sus out the word on town) Maybe even see whats hot on GQ?

Getting Flirty: This is for those who cannot or are too afraid to be straight forward, as it’s not everyone’s latté. We see in newly released films, or past time favorites, actors and actresses going overboard in delivering the F to flirt, which in reality will deliver a F as the final result. There are a number of ways in delivering this task. Read the following helpful suggestions.

The Dance: If you’ve already made the initial contact with him (verbally, not eyeing him up) and are out at a club which has music that interests the both of you, suggest hitting the dance floor for a few songs. If you get to this stage, GOOD ON YOU!! Most guys would normally decline. This is also seen as a good first step into getting a guy’s attention. Now that you have hit the dance floor, listen to the music, let your body consume it, and let the music take over your body. Every now and then add in a few of the “Shakira� butt swings, and allow your hands to flow in the air (not so much Kate Bush Style) calmly bringing them down (saving whacking the person next to you). If you’re a conscious person who claims that you can’t dance, hire a few of the “So Fresh� or “Pepsi Charts� DVDs and gain inspiration from the film clips. When I go out, I tend to start off in relax mode and work my way to dirty dancing, and I can’t say it has ever failed. Get some confidence in yourself and give it a go. The worse thing that can happen is you discover you dance like your grandparents (all cases of which are curable).

The Lingo and the Offer: This is on the proviso that he doesn’t beat you to it. In these circumstances, it’s normally polite to offer a drink if at a club. Don’t offer someone a drink that appears to be a piss pot and only craves for a drink out of you. You can normally pick these guys, as they appear majorly sleazy, trashed or even ask you to buy them a drink (in which case, you turn around and don’t look back). If you’re not at a club then, even better, offer to shout a hot drink or something non-alcoholic; I guess it depends on how comfortable you feel with the other person. Every now and then add in flirty remarks, nothing too confronting that it will make him change his mind. If all goes well, and he still seems interested in you, offer to grab his number and then maybe go somewhere else that’s a tad quiet so you can hear each other without screaming over thumping music or having the pressure of the public restrictions.

If he makes it back to your place or you at his, offer him a drink (wait to be offered if at his place), turn on some music that’s not too radical nor heavy (modern day folk call it ‘chill’ or ‘recovery’) and tell him you’re just gonna change into something more comfortable (this line is always bound to work or get some positive indication). I guess one main thing to remember is to never make the first move – in pashing him, or touchy feeling him. If you have managed to make the offer and shouted him a drink, allow him to make the first intimate moves on you or be somwhat suggestive with 'light moves'.

If, after a certain amount of time (in which you could be watching a movie), he hasn’t made a pass on you, see it as a lost cause. If not, wait until next time he is on the web, or call his mobile phone and let him know how you thought meeting him went, and how you feel about him. Don’t be too direct in saying “I wanna be boyfriends� as that’s the biggest turnoff a guy could receive. If you want to approach it straight-forward try “I thought the other day was great, you seem like a great guy….�. Here you could either say two things: “And I wanna fuck your brains� or “I would like to continue seeing you, as you made me feel comfortable.� I guess approaching the situation with good timing and grace will decide how things go.

Before you go smsing him, allow the 24 hour rule, so it can give him a chance to call you back with the follow up report.

If it comes to the pashing point and feeling each other’s legs, Enjoy It!! Don’t appear too confident but don’t appear too nervous also, as hey, you managed to get this far! If it doesn’t work out with fireworks, maybe use this as a sign of a great start to a good friendship. Sometimes taking a step back out of the square helps.

Just remember, when entering the relationship arena, It’s best to be happy with who you are and being ready for caring after two, including yourself. But that’s for another time.