GenQ - For the not so straight individual

I was having a chat with a friend the other day and he asked me to define the concept of cheating. Not at cards, not on an exam, but specifically, in a relationship. It took me five nanoseconds to come up with a reply ? ?When one partner in a relationship sleeps with another man behind his partner's back.?

Well, my friend couldn't deny that my definition was right, but he did tell me it was somewhat limited. He brought up the idea of ?emotional cheating? and that's when the conversation got interesting.

As my friend put it so well, ?Getting a boy to sleep with you is one way of stealing his attention away from his boyfriend'but if a boy wants to hang out with you more than his boyfriend, even though there is no sexual relationship present, you are still stealing his attention away from his boyfriend. Does that count as cheating? Suppose a boy tells you he cares about you, and wants to be with you, and you turn him down, so he finds another boy to call his own. Despite this new relationship of his, he continues to see you every day, tell you he cares about you, prefers to spend time with you rather than his boyfriend, yet there is still no sexual relationship.?

Do you have to necessarily sleep with another to cheat on your partner? What if you neglect your partner by spending most of your time with another; what if you spent a majority of your day with that person, or run to them with your problems and concerns, your fears and your happiness? Does that then qualify as cheating?

This is clearly not a black and white concept. I argued that sometimes other people do take precedence in your life over your partner. New friends, for example ? they are people whom you obviously have things in common with, and it's not unusual to spend a lot of time with them, initially, just discussing those things. The conversations you have are new and exciting and one is drawn to that.

Aaah, but those three words, ?new and exciting? ? they made me realize that my definition certainly wasn't wrong, but it sure wasn't all inclusive. They brought to mind another type of cheating that goes beyond the one night stand I proposed. The ?affair? should certainly be added to my initial definition and usually comes about because one person in a partnership finds his or herself in a ?new and exciting? relationship on the side of their current one.

That ties back into the concept of ?emotional cheating? -- if you take a ?new and exciting? friendship too far, at what point does it verge on a relationship itself? There doesn't have to be sex involved, just a stronger connection than one has with his/his partner. At what point does that verge on cheating?

Of course, the seemingly ever-increasingly popular ?open relationship? is a form of cheating too, just one that's agreed upon. If that's the case, then a ?threesome? (or more) is certainly just another form of cheating. Both of these situations may have less of a damaging impact (initially) on a relationship because of the mutual agreement to undertake such scenarios, but when you boil it right down, there still is a commitment being broken between two people as one or more people are brought into the relationship.

I decided to change my answer. ?When one person in a partnership knows he is doing wrong to the other by ways of including another person (or more) into said partnership.? I was happier with that answer. In the end, it all comes down to communication, love, and respect. If you could potentially find yourself in an ?emotional cheating? scenario, the bond between you and your partner should be strong enough to go to him/her and explain the situation to work it out first before it gets out of hand. If a partnership decide they want to start an open relationship, hopefully they are wise enough to work out the rules of what can and can't be done before they go through with it.

The person you are in a relationship should always come first and foremost. I find it hard to believe anyone would, intentionally or not, hurt that person when it could be avoided. Every effort should be taken to make sure your partner is happy in the relationship first before any actions are taken that could be seen to potentially damage it. I'm not telling you to walk on eggshells here, but to be mindful. Keep that partnership safe and sacred through common sense. If it feels wrong, don't do it.