GenQ - For the not so straight individual

Some years ago at a gay men's workshop I attended, one of the activities was to start a conversation with someone in the group. The guy who I began chatting to was quite attractive, and it did not surprise me when he told me he was 28 years old. I did not question this because I have always considered myself a good judge of age, and can pick ?mutton done up as lamb? very easily.

It therefore came as a great shock when a friend of mine later told me that the hot number I was talking to, whom I will call ?Adrian?, was in fact over 40 (older than me at the time). Moreover, he has not aged since, even though by now he must be in his 50s. What is his secret? My friend and I later joked that maybe Adrian has a portrait of himself in the attic, like Dorian Gray.

Dorian Gray was a character created by the gay writer, Oscar Wilde. A handsome, well-to-do young man, Dorian would trade absolutely anything ? including his soul ? to remain forever young. His wish was granted when his soul was captured in the form of a portrait, which grew more and more decrepit. Meanwhile, as Dorian got older and committed increasingly depraved acts, his appearance remained unchanged from the day he made his pact with Satan. Soon, Dorian's portrait was so hideous that he covered it up and kept it hidden in the attic, only looking at it occasionally to see just what he had become.

As gay men in a ?market? in which youth is often promoted as everything, many of us would like to be like Dorian. We often spend a fortune on products and services that are supposed to keep us looking young and fresh, delay the onset of wrinkles, maintain our full head of hair in its preferred colour (definitely not grey!), stop hair from growing in unwanted places (such as out of our ears ? yuck!), and maintain our trim, taut and terrific waistline. Some, like Ted Schmidt in QAF, go even further and have plastic surgery.

While we may have varying amounts of success in these endeavours, wouldn't it be nice if we could achieve these results without the expense and effort? In other words, if like Dorian and, perhaps, Adrian, we could stay forever young and indulge in life's most wicked pleasures, like having chocolate and champagne for breakfast, and not having to worry about enduring a water diet and major gym workouts for the rest of the month.

Being gay, we do tend to indulge in activities that are probably not good for our appearance, like smoking, drinking, drug-taking, spending too much time in the sun, and partying all night. Indeed, the fact that many of us are not as youthful and/or beautiful as we would like to be probably partly explains the success of online chat rooms, Gaydar, MSN, and the virtual world of Second Life. Using these services, and with just a little imagination, we can be whoever we want: take a few years off our age, a few kilos off our weight, and add a few inches to our dick size! Maybe that's why people who go into cyberspace rarely seem to MEET one another in real space. If they did, like revealing the painting Dorian kept in the attic, the wicked truth would finally come out!

But there is a downside to remaining forever young. It's human nature to be jealous of those who seem to stay youthful without any apparent effort. For Dorian, as his friends got older and gradually deserted him, he took refuge in even more unspeakable acts, while the portrait in the attic became so hideous he could not bear to look at it any longer. When he finally decided to destroy it, and thrust a knife into the canvas, he ended up killing himself. The picture returned to its original state, and Dorian took on the monstrous appearance of his tainted soul. Perhaps it's better to age naturally and gracefully, after all!