GenQ - For the not so straight individual

While we may all be drawn to the irresistible feeling we get from love, there aren't too many people who can say they too haven't been burned by it. I know I may be young, but within my 21 years I have found love, been in love, and loved with all my heart. I admit it doesn't happen often. I'm the type of person who is slow to give her heart, but when I do, I give myself completely.

I have done this in the past with three people. I even went so far as to think that one of them was my soul mate. And as many of us have experienced, when you love someone *that* much, you often see them through rose coloured glasses. You get to know them, you fall in love, and before long, you start to perceive their every move as perfect, their plain existence as essential to yours, their mere presence as a gift from the gods. And just how do you handle their faults? Because we all know, everybody's got them, right? WRONG. Not the people you are in love with, or love with all your heart. They don't have any faults that you can see?.

So you cruise along, everything is fine, enjoying life's ups and downs together, sharing the journey, until one day you realise that the person you've been looking at as a saint has suddenly transformed into a sinner. All of a sudden all the good things about a person has been infected by all the bad things, and you start to see faults in everything they say and do. You start to think to yourself, how could this have happened, and where did it come from all of a sudden? But in reality however, this change hasn't been very sudden at all.

As Kelly Clarkson puts it, ??it'll make you hear a symphony, and you just want the world to see, but like a drug that makes you blind, it'll fool you every time'The trouble with love is, it can tear you up inside, make your heart believe a lie, it's stronger than you're pride, the trouble with love is, it doesn't care how fast you fall, and you can't refuse the call, see you've got no say at all??

When we fall in love with someone, we somehow start to overlook all of their faults, all of the bad points. Not necessarily because we want to, or deliberately either, it just kind of happens when we are swept away by love. But these faults do exist, and sooner or later, they seem to catch up on us. I don't know how or why, but they always do! And not only that, they start to creep into our relationships and take over, spreading like a disease until all we see in that person is the bad.

It has happened to me on more than one occasion, and recently it started happening again. I've lost two people that were extremely important to me, and it may not have been totally because of this, but I know it contributed. I started to snap at everything they said and did, which resulted in many arguments and my not being able to see the good in any situation when they were around, and I started to fall out of love with them, or lose the love I had for them. It became a routine, until finally I began to find it hard to see any good in these people, and I didn't want them in my life anymore.

For the people like myself, who have experienced this situation before, I believe we make this mistake, over and over again, and are doomed to keep doing so, unless we start to change the way we see the person we love most. Until we start being true to ourselves and them, and admit that they are only human, with good attributes and bad, and that we love all of them, for who they are. It's perfectly fine to fall head over heels for someone and be madly in love with them and what they do. But also admitting that the person you love has some faults or some things that get on your nerves isn't a bad thing, it's actually very healthy. It's being real, being honest, being true to yourself and them. And we all know that's what's most important. If you love someone, you should be able to tell him or her the truth at all times. And in the long run, it will help to eliminate all the nasty surprises that may pop up down the track, and so that what has happened to me and many others, won't end up happening to you.

While this article may seem a little depressing and harsh, it isn't all bad. I mentioned before that just recently I experienced a similar situation, but, unlike the two that came before it, I managed to overcome the negative feelings, and grow from it. Now that relationship is back on track and I'm feeling wonderful about it.

Very little about relationships is actually easy, you end up having to fight for what you love and for your love one way or another. I understand that simply telling someone that they have a fault isn't enough to make it right, but if both people are aware of it, then something can be done to accommodate both people's feelings. It's the first step, to a healthy communicative relationship. I also understand that some people just are not meant to spend their lives together, or share their lives, and that's ok too.

I do hope though, that people reading this, who have experienced something similar to what I have described, and are wanting to prevent this from happening to them in the future, can take something from what I've learnt, and that it helps them to build better, stronger relationships :) If you are in a relationship at the moment where you think you may be neglecting some of the less pleasant aspects to that person, maybe it's time to have a think. Please don't let something so special, dwindle because you didn't give yourself time to accept that they also have faults. And don't let those faults sneak up on you and consume your relationship.

Something to think about, hope I wasn't too harsh?

Till next time,

Happy New Year, and let's all try to take on board the QP editorials new years wish.

Learn, love, live,

Just Nat xxx