GenQ - For the not so straight individual

Expectations:

The trick to internet chatting is never expecting anything. Why? Because what you expect may never happen or turn out to be a different result. For example, you have been chatting to this guy/girl that has the hottest pics, and sounds like the cutest guy or sexiest woman – but when meeting him or her you find out there is more to meet the eye. Stuff that he/her forgot to inform you on, or felt it was ‘irrelevant’.

Now before meeting this guy/girl you may have had expectations or hopes of entering a relationship if not that decent shag for the night, and the end result being he is far from ever getting there. Trust me, expecting things from internet formed relationships can be damaging. I mean there are some cases where things go well, and everyone is happy. I wouldn’t really call someone who I talk to on the net a friend or even an acquaintance until I had met them in person.

The net is seen as a first step meeting place, where yes you can get a rough idea on ones life, which will hopefully steer things to organizing a time to catch up. You cannot build trust over the net. Or so I would like to continue to believe anyway. If im going to form a foundation with anyone, I would rather much do it face to face. That way you find out whether or not they are the reliable type of person. The quirks and good side to them, as well as the other persons friends and family, in which believe me if you meet your net buddy and go on for a second catch up you will most likely meet these relevant people.

So let’s recap the key things that all net users, whether they are just beginning or are experienced, should follow for your own safety.

Number one: When creating a profile or chat introduction line (also seen as a bio line) doesn’t give too much information about yourself. State what it is you are looking for, a brief sentence about yourself and so on.

Number two:
When creating a profile, make sure the picture you are uploading, suits what it is you are looking for. Standard way of doing so: “Looking for friends� – pictures of yourself fully clothed, and a pic of your face… “Looking for a late night shag� – Most people in this boat include pictures of their rudie bits, to give others an idea what’s to be expected… And my favorite one, which I am still yet to do “Looking for Love� – hmm well Offcourse at one time or rather in our lives, we will go on the search for a soul mate, and if it were possible I would be taking a picture of myself in an extremely high tower awaiting for my prince to rescue me.

Number three: DON’T EXPECT anything. It’s all fine and dandy to chat with someone over the net, and mention to each other there may be some form of chemistry brewing, but when it comes to the point – you may find when meeting, the chemistry on one side might have been knocked and spilt, and your left with the emotional attachment when there isn’t one coming in return. A good rule to go by is, chat over the net – if you like what you say to each other, and have a phone conversation and again, think its all working well – then arrange to meet as soon as you can, on the basis of a before friendship relationship. Chatting is the keyway to initiating a meet up, and once you have met face to face you can say that the show is on the road.

MEETING UP IN PERSON:

Now this is where all the dramatic suspense horror music comes into it. Because we seen in these types of films, the main characters don’t choose the easy and safest means. If you have done the whole net introduction and had a decent conversation over the phone and both decide its time to meet… Eeeek. Questions that could possibly run through your head are: What outfit will I wear?; Where will we catch up?; How far should I go to meet someone?; What will we do?
Ok. Take a deep breath and stop panicking for a second whilst I give you some insight. The wonderful pieces of advice I am about to give you are from my recent past to late past experiences, in which I have learnt from.

Ok, one of the biggest turn off’s for me is a show pony, who feels that meeting someone for the first time is all about entering the cat walk. This one is simple. Dress to which suits your personality, and please don’t go taking this to the extreme. Dress in what outfit you like, and bring out the person you are. If you feel you need to dress to high standards to make that everlasting impression, then do so – but don’t over do it. I mean if any form of relationship continues after this first meet, this person will be seeing you in a number of outfits varying from the stay home look to the formal more brushed up style.

Where will we catch up?
Now yes, there is a reason that this question is written in read and underlined. This is the key thing to keeping it all-safe. For a first meet up, what ever you do – don’t arrange it to be at one of your houses. Meet up in a public area that you both show interest in. For example, if you both have a peckering for Indian food then go to a nice Indian restaurant for a bite of tea where you can get a feel for how comfortable you two are around each other. So in that in the case should it arise where you do feel unsafe or uncomfortable you can say after the meal, walk, coffee what ever that you have other plans organized and should be heading off. Some people will spit it out “I don’t think this is gonna work out�.

However if the story does go the other angle and you feel that there is an interesting connection growing, that you can trust the other person to a certain degree then by all means welcome him or her back to your place and sit back, relax with a few drinks and continuing the interesting conversations. Even if you are meeting up for a casual or once off shag, I still wouldn’t be so keen to inviting someone who I have only spoken to over the net to my place, and I most certainly wouldn’t be jumping in for the invite to his place. Reasons being, what happens if you feel there is zilch hope of getting it off, and he decides he doesn’t want to leave, even worse forces him or herself onto you. All I will say this is the perfect trap into getting a rapist, stalker or someone very annoying on your tale. Just use precaution to your own discretion.

How far should I go to meet someone?
Ok, I go by the old fashion standard of meeting someone half way. That means, a mutual location that’s half way for both parties. But what happens when it comes to chatting with someone over seas or interstate? Well well well. I have heard of so many cases where people have been put into this position. Some people who have only been chatting with the other person for a short period going from 3 months (even less!) to 12+ months. Now Offcourse there is a huge difference between going interstate and traveling overseas. So here are my words of advice for both scenarios.

Interstate: I would be guessing most of us would like to have any excuse for seeing a new place, or revisiting places which made old memories. I guess the one thing I would say, is wait until business or close friends who you have an established relationship with bring you there. That way, you have more than one reason to go interstate, and at the same time you can do other things, than being around your net friend/newly established pal. But if you have no reason to travel interstate, then you can always make one yourself. Research up on the place, and set yourself your own agenda in which you are in control of, and not the other person. And if this is the scenario that best suits you, a good piece of advice – Research on the place
Pay your own way there and back and
Find your own means of accommodation and travel around the location, so your not in each other’s faces. So if you cant financially afford it, then wait till you can. The last thing you want is being in someone’s debit and being placed in a number of awkward positions, which could possibly happen. Are we getting an understanding view now? I hope so.

International: This is one of the big things you really need to make yourself aware of. Going overseas is a huge thing to do, to meet someone willy-nilly. And you most likely know this. The world is a huge, huge place and there is a lot to see and do, which again also makes a blow to your wallet, credit card and or bank account. So when making the decision you want meet people and learn more about what the globe has to offer you really need to sit down and ask yourself the following questions: Am I financially capable of looking after myself to get there and back, with any possible hidden expenses? Will I be able to find my own accommodation, which will give me my own freedom into what I would like to do? What places, would I like to see and what activities would I like to do? Are there any responsibilities that are keeping me here (in my own country) which need to be dealt with before going? When is the best time of year to travel? Ok, so now that’s out of the system, I can stop the seriousness and continue on. I guess the point of this section is, don’t go traveling for anyone but yourself. It’s like a luxury for people to travel and see the world, so make sure you live up all your dreams you want to fulfill.

Part three of this series will be available on GenerationQ on 9 July 2007. Keep your eye out for it!