GenQ - For the not so straight individual

Why do people say things they don't mean? Ok, so they mean them at the time, but then they retract. It's somewhat hurtful, degrading and above all, embarrassing.

Well after telling me he couldn't go out with me cause he was still in love with his ex, Steven* (the guy from last week) decided we could still be friends, but then after countless adorable little messages and many ?just called to say hello? phone calls, I found myself getting attracted, again. On Monday we arranged for him to come over Saturday night to my house to watch movies (being that I was having my tonsils removed I would be unable to go out).

Tuesday was fairly uneventful, other than the messages and online conversations about nothing at all relevant. On Wednesday, Steven told me about his plans for that night: he was going to go to the Gym, then have a beer or three with his mates and that would be about it. Well one beer turned into three then a few more, before I know it I get a phone call from Steven all happy and chirpy telling me how drunk he is. I laughed it off (well it was funny) and then told him I would speak to him tomorrow. I get a message early Thursday morning telling me that he has called in sick for work and he was chilling at one of his mates house chuffing on a Crystal Meth pipe. I'm not one to judge and I knew that Steven had a lot of pent up stress and wanted to take time out, and I wasn't much better as I was drugged up to my eye balls on pain medication (it's my personal belief that there was enough tranquilizer in my system to take out a small elephant). Anyways, later that night, fueled by the confidence that only a pain killer could provide, I sent Steven a message saying, ?how do you feel about me, I feel totally insecure? or something along those lines.

Next thing I know I'm answering my phone in a slurry manner, ?hello? escapes my heavy lips. Steven tells me he likes me. There was more to the conversation but due to memory loss I kind of forget it. But even in my state I know I felt good for the first time in a while simply because this guy liked me.

Then I was on a high that no drug could ever offer, the high of someone thinking about you in a special and I truly felt like someone special. Flash forward to a few days later, after countless phone conversation, text message and one silly little email, Steven tells me not to get attached and that he doesn't feel that way anymore.

How to feel? How to respond? Its odd though because I can't really be upset or angry or pissed off or anything simply because, we weren't together. We dated. Spoke. But that's it. Nothing more. So if that's all it was, why did I feel so crumby? I guess it was just the dizzying high from a guy.

Which raises anther question, are relationships the designer drug of the new millennium? Is it true? Are all romantics simply just addicts? The dizzying highs, the awful lows and the in-between, is it really worth it? I don't know. Is it?

By Will Ryan

 

*Names Changed