GenQ - For the not so straight individual

Gay men are notorious for having Fag Hags. What seems to be the confusing factor is, why they exist in the first place? With trusty pen in hand I set forth to find the answers and looked into this seemingly standard part of gay life.

The first thing that struck me is the different types of Fag Hag. There is the standard Will & Grace version of the woman who just likes being around a gay man because he is considered 'safe'. What I discovered is that there are actually others. There’s the ones who are actually in love with a gay man but try to be their friend, which I guess is still the Will & Grace version too. Also the ones that try to convert a gay man into being straight. Then finally, the ones that actually marry a gay man so they can lead a relatively 'Normal Life' in the eyes of society. I never realised that Fag Hags were so varied!




I myself had a Fag Hag for a while. I had a housemate from overseas, a lovely Canadian girl who would bring home her female friends and we would all get gushy about the latest Collin Farrell movie or talk about fashion victims and generally make fun of straight men. We had a kind of symbiotic relationship in that she would bring home a cute boy and we would rate him. Then if I bought home a boy, we would both rate him, often while the boys were in the room. Harmless fun perhaps, but now it seems those days are over. My Fag Hag has gone home and I'm now in a committed relationship, so I'm left without a female counterpart.

But where do we find our Fag Hags? Obviously the day I joined the Gay community they must have been all out, because I wasn't issued one. I wasn't asked to join a queue for one. I guess I just assumed that once I came out, that women the world over, would come flocking to me looking to be my very own Fag Hag that I can love, pet and generally make straight fun of. After all even my partner has a Fag Hag in the shape of a female cousin who thinks it's wonderful to talk about her boyfriend and ask for tips and ideas on how to make him more metrosexual. It's not uncommon to find a lot of straight women coming to gay clubs to enjoy themselves without guys pawing all over them. Every where I go, I see blissful Fag Hags hanging off every word of their Pink counterpart. Yet still, I seem to be without one of my very own. I even did a search on the net looking for a website for one. I figure if there is a Mailorderbride.com there should be a faghag.com but alas one does not exist.Then I thought, well eBay sells everything else, but again, nothing. Finally I decided that catalogues do wonders for retail chains, yet again though, I was out of luck.

So what is it that I am missing? Why do some guys have them and others not?

It seems this may be one of the many mysteries that the world is not yet ready to answer. I consider myself to be fairly normal. I have a full time job. I have a loving partner. I even have a cat that I sometimes pat. But it seems that I am going to be Hagless for sometime to come, unless I eventually decide to rename my male cat Max to 'FH'.

Stewie G will be holding auditions for a Fag Hag, so send your resumes to stewieG@bigpond.com