GenQ

Armed with half-truths and silly ideas, this guy or girl assimilates other, more shy bitches to create a whirlwind effect.

You've probably referred to someone as a "bitch" before.

But what makes someone a bitch?

My definition: a bitch is someone who (1) is outrageously self-centered, (2) holds unreasonable expectations of others, and (3) viciously pursues gossip in order to avoid social rejection.

There are many types, but I think the majority—not all—fit into three categories:

The Superficial Bitch
If you aren't in perfect physical condition and you aren't a friend, you're screwed. This guy/girl will gossip about even the smallest flaw.

"Did you see his arm? He SO had a wart on his elbow. EW!"

Never mind that the guy in question was a sweetheart. He had a WART on his arm, for crying out loud! He simply isn't worthy!

By the way, nine times out of ten, this bitch is uglier than most of the people he talks about.

The Material Bitch
In the eyes of this guy, you simply aren't good enough if you can't afford what he thinks he can. And if you aren't up to par on the latest fashion news, you might as well just go kill yourself for all he's concerned.

"UGH! He was so wearing jeans from Target! What an idiot!"

Forget that the guy in question had a great laugh and a wonderful personality. If it ain't from Nordstrom, it might as well be rags.

Oh, but don't forget that most often, these bitches are the most irresponsible of the group: they're in more debt than the country!

This isn't to say that materialistic people are "bitches." I'm pretty materialistic, but I certainly don't judge others who aren't.

The Classic Bitch
Probably the most ruthless of all, this is the one who seeks out flaws not merely to gossip about, but to actively harm a person's reputation. Armed with half-truths and silly ideas, this guy or girl assimilates other, more shy bitches to create a whirlwind effect.

This happens most frequently, I think, as a situational phenomenon. In other words, after a relationship ends bitterly, at least one party wishes to quench their thirst for vengeance (Bitch of Passion, for example, hehe).

The Sad Truth
People exist who take sole pleasure in exposing the flaws of others. These people are unfortunate creatures who have yet to learn the definitive universal truth:

We will die.

Beauty fades. Fashion ends. And defamation is never in good form.

News Flash
Even though the Bitch acts so to fit in, he's doing himself a disservice. After all, if you viciously judge others, what stops you from judging your friends?

Tags: bitch, gay