There is nothing like logging online to see what it is that your friends are up to in the world and to see that the latest status update from one of your “friends” on the latest social networking craze is ‘(member name) needs a cock in his ass’. To this, I have one word and one word only - desperate.

I don’t know about you, but this is why I assumed bath houses existed; to take the approach of ‘fuck talking, let’s just fuck’. Why tell the world that you are looking to get fucked when you can just go to a place where anyone else who is easy is for just a small fee? Waste of time to me. Then again, if they are one of the commonly mentioned ‘two minute men’, I guess you’d want the verbal foreplay to last as long as possible as opposed to just cuming and going.

I wasn’t aware that today’s young adult resorted to being so blatant in order to get laid. Personally, I’m a little more profound and just slightly more cryptic about by ‘status’, for instance one of my latest status updates was ‘(name here) has exceptionally cold feet...’ Maybe I should change that to ‘(name here) has exceptionally cold feet... would you like to see my cock while you’re at it?’ Or a better idea even, the next time I’m walking down Oxford Street on a Friday evening, maybe I should write on my forehead ‘looking for my next fuck – you free?’ By the sounds of things, it would work quite well.

Where has the romance gone? Call me hopelessly romantic and old fashioned if you will (trust me, many people have already), but I didn’t think we were supposed to fuck on the first encounter. I had always assumed it was a kiss on the first date, holding hands and a bit more lip action on the second date, then on the third it was on like donkey kong. I may be way behind the times, but that’s the way (uh-huh uh-huh) I like it, and I’m not about to change that anytime soon.

Stuff being blatant, this twenty-something single guy is content with being discrete. And if that means waiting a while longer until my next fuck, then so be it. I think my left hand would mind my making that decision though... maybe I should reward it by buying a glove for it or some extra moisturiser or something. Poor thing.

Tags: not getting sex in the city