GenQ

If there was ever a more divisive issue in the lesbian community it is definitely the question of parting ways or building a friendship from the bedroom and back to the couch (yes watching the L word is ok; as long as you don’t re-enact the hot sex between Shane and her latest 15 minute lover; but let’s face it we’re only human!).

When the question of the ex inevitably sidles its way into your new relationship with awkward silence, pseudo interest and thinly veiled psychological analysis, you’re usually proffered one of three responses from your current partner;

1.  “She sounds like a psycho, good on you for making the break” (sigh, so glad I don’t have to deal with the ex factor!)

2.  “That’s nice you’re friends with your ex, but you’re right, it’s good to create space and limit the catch ups” (good, she’s definitely moved on, I’m in with a chance!)

3. “So you hang out with your ex every weekend? You’re best friends now? She’ll be there on Saturday?” (oh my goddess, I’m about to enter into a mini panic attack that I’ll never match up to her, you still shag her ever 2^nd week and she’ll hate my guts for being the new womyn). Ex factor Alert, Ex Factor Alert!

Personally, I think it’s important to remain friends with your ex’s, after all you have shared your life with them for usually what is an extended period (even if it only lasted 3 months of intense shagging before the sun came up and you realized that you’re in a dysfunctional-control-freak relationship)…well maybe that’s when you can kick your ex to the curb, but all in all you more often than not you date people you genuinely have a great time with (well you should!).

So if your new lover has issues with your ex, lay down the law; dependency on anyone isn’t sexy, friendships are important, just because you’re seeing each other, doesn’t mean your life outside should stop (well disappearing for two weeks of shagging non-stop is permissible). Breakups don’t have to symbolise the beginning of the end. Afterall, life is the sum of our connections not the depth of our departures.

As long as the ex factor remains as such, there’s no reason why the new lover can’t have an equally as restrictive label…How about the sex factor? Just don’t go screaming it from the rooftops, because no doubt your ex is as equally as squeamish about this topic.

If you find yourself in the situation of the ‘current’, factor this, if the ex is still hanging around and you’re feeling like the side plate at a dinner set for two, console yourself in the knowledge that you’re the one beneath the sheets (at least on Thursdays, Fridays and Sundays!)…Who said polygamy was only for religious cults!

Remember sex is good, sex is great, when your period never runs late! And if you’re still worried about the ex, chill out, it’s early days; if you’re really going great you’ll soon take centre stage and you’ll be the first word and the last taste on your new lover’s lips every…single…day.
Tune in next time for:

Before the L word there was always the M word;

monogamy: are we really built for it?

Tags: ex, relationships