Over the weekend, my friend Mark was telling me about a gay couple he recently met where both were considered dominant in the bedroom. In gay speak, this mean both guys were tops (insertive partner during anal intercourse). He told me they very rarely had anal sex with each other, instead opting for a third bottom guy (receptive partner during anal sex).

Most gay men are obsessed with labels and not just when it comes to fashion; straight, gay and bi are just some of our favorite sexual lables. When it comes to roles, everyone is trying to define himself by whether they take it, give it or both.

A friend of mine says that tops are from Jupiter and bottoms are from Uranus. In New South Wales, the police motto is "cops are tops." But in a world of takers and givers, do two bottoms make a top? Are we born tops or bottoms?

I have to admit I am generally at one end of the sexual role spectrum. I’ll let you guess which end that is. When I first came out I never thought I could bring myself to have anal sex. For many years, the Catholic induced stigma only allowed me to be the top. It took me years to enjoy and find pleasure in being the bottom….Maybe now I am making up for lost time. For me sex without anal sex is like having a meal without the main course. I can't imagine it not being on the menu.

I have to admit that depending on who I am dating and what their role is…I can adapt to my role. According to American research there is a whole spectrum of sexual roles: from only bottom, versatile but prefer bottom, versatile equal, versatile but prefer top and only top. But what makes us a top? Or a bottom? Or both?

According to the American study, our physical and emotional traits may play a part in whether we take it or give it. The study also reveals that many gay men feel that there are generally more bottoms than tops.

Age, height, weight and hairiness are indicators of masculinity. Older, hairier, taller and more solid men are considered to be more masculine than younger, smoother, shorter and lighter men. Only Tops seek out sexual partners with less masculine features, while Only Bottoms seek out sexual partners with more masculine features.

Many gay men find that their versatility changes with time and relationships. Very few find that they were born a top..or born a bottom. Many gay men find being a bottom a more emotional sexual role. Tops are seen as the more masculine role…the “man.” Sexual roles can be all about control and power. Yet still, the American research found that many gay couples do not even engage in anal sex or save it for special occasions that involve sexual partners outside of the relationship.