Life, well my life is continuously busy and sometimes I wonder why I am doing this to myself, voluntarily. I go to university full time, work a day a week and spend a weekend cleaning for my mum’s business. More importantly, I am in a long term relationship that takes time, well spent time but time none-the-less. Tonight however I find myself with no immediate uni work, well I do, but working past 5pm is a bit of a task, my girlfriend is out with her friends, there is nothing really on telly and the internet gets boring after a while. So what am I to do with myself?

I remember what it was like when I used to come home from work and could just relax, when there wasn’t any pressure to do anything but just read a book. However, when I find myself in that situation now I just get tired of it and want something to do, anything to do. It’s on nights like these when I learn loads about the news because I read the paper online from back-to-back and at the moment its all just depressing.

I used to bake quite a lot but there is no one to eat my biscuits anymore! I make paper cranes by the dozen but at the moment there is no incentive, apart from making yet another thousand. I read books, lots of books but because I am at uni at the moment it takes too much effort to read something that is vaguely intellectual. I bead bracelets. I should be cleaning my fish tank, as Alfie is looking a little like he needs new water, but I don’t want to get messy and cold. I watch lots of Xena but tonight I just don’t feel like it, besides which I still have to do something whilst I watch telly.

Is this a production of being in the so-called generation y? Or the MTV generation? However, I can honestly claim I don’t think I have ever actively watched MTV and video clips bore me, so my attention span shouldn’t be too shot. I think more so that it’s a reflection of how busy I have been; that my mind and body don’t quite know what to do when they finally get to stop.

So tonight I get to stop and instead of just doing nothing as I mentioned I am trying to find things to do, find out what’s going on in the world, doing two things at once, organising and at the same time debating with myself as to why I can just stop. I find that I like being busy, that is maintains an equilibrium in my life and I don’t get bored with what is in front of me but then again it doesn’t really leave time for contemplation, for space in my mind. That’s why I wonder why I am doing this. Going back to uni was one of the best things I have done but it’s created this alter ego, a busy Jobloggs, rather than one that is content to sit and read all day.