My friends used to be mostly gay/lesbian yet now I find that predominantly my friends are heterosexual and even having babies. I was pondering this the other day when thinking about how I don’t do the ‘scene’ as such. How does a young gay girl meet other gay girls who are like minded when she doesn’t want to go to clubs, isn’t a vegan, doesn’t wear boots and doesn’t look like a lesbian in the ‘lesbian’ sense of the word? Having left the country for two years I lost all those contacts that aren’t quite friends but are enough to have a vague drink with, so how do I find these people again?

I don’t drink, well only very moderately and don’t really like bars, although I am sure they are better since smoking was banned. So drinking doesn’t really agree with my mental health and I don’t really like the taste of most alcohol. So going out to a gay bar is not an option. The queer space at university is full of 'proper' lesbians, suffice to say I don’t fit in. After all, I eat meat, spell women with an e and wash, the horror! Still each to their own, just because I am not one of them doesn’t mean I don’t respect their choices in life, I just don’t understand them. Anyway, so I tried swimming training with the gay swimming club that runs at uni but they were all older and mostly male, besides which it was really difficult to get to all the time.

As I get older I realise that gaining friends is more difficult as time goes by. There aren’t so many opportunities for talking beyond small talk. Even at university there are only a few people with which I have become friends, simply because I have done summer school or been with them in most classes. What happens when I leave university entirely, am I actually going to meet people in the work place that I will get on with and more to the point, where do I meet people who are like minded, as it seems to make such a difference in life? I really like having friends who understand the life I lead, who understand what it’s like to love someone of the same sex.

I think that’s really why I want more friends that love the same sex, because ultimately there is a level of understanding that my heterosexual friends just don’t get. In a way they do, love is universal in so many ways but in others, its just not the same. There aren’t the same battles to be fought; there are different understandings, different relationship mediations and different ways of being. This isn’t to say I don’t value the input of those friends in my life who are heterosexual, in fact, some of my best friends are heterosexual and they make my life the way it is; I just want more friends who are gay or lesbians and who know some of what I go through to love the girl I love. I want a balance between the people that understand, the people that are fun, the people that live life in the way I do and those who challenge me to not just become complacent within myself. Is there a real life L-word?