I don't know about you, but ever since I was little, whether I wanted to be or not, I was different. For my fourth birthday, my mother asked me what I wanted for a present, and instead of conforming to the stereotypes of our culture and asking for a doll, or a dress or something 'girly' like that, I asked for a cricket set. And my mum, being as liberal minded as she is, got it for me. And the footballs and soccer balls and ju-jitsu lessons I asked for. She was always encouraging me to be myself, despite any backlash she may have received from her family.

As I got older, I learnt the hard way that sometimes being you isn't always a good thing. Years of social abuse and ridicule left me with a shattered sense of self- esteem, which resulted in a wall being built around me for protection. Of course, anything I did do to try to conform was never good enough, so eventually I made it my existence to go undetected, invisible to anyone around me.. Naturally, as one can imagine, this left me miserable, and I lost myself in a sea of guilt and helplessness.

Slowly but surely, changes were made and I found myself in a new friendship circle in which things were much better, but the damage had been done. For years I went along the only way I had learnt how, until one day I met an amazing group of people who totally changed my perspective on people, and life in general. From then on, I started a peeling process, slowly digging within myself and re-discovering who I was again. My entire outlook changed. When I did things, I did them because they felt most comfortable to me, and part of my motivation was because i didn't want to be just a sheep like the people who took pleasure in my abuse, I didn't want to be just like everyone else, like people I didn't much care for. So I started wearing pants to school instead of a skirt, I played soccer with the boys, I stopped hiding the fact that I was obsessed with Xena: Warrior Princess and most of all, I stopped hiding the fact that I was gay.

I realised that I had people in my life who truly appreciated the person I was. After that, whoever met me, saw *me*, and if they didn't like what they saw, they could leave. No more hiding, no more shame or guilt, no more regret. It's amazing how much freer I feel now, in all aspects of my life. Also, it's amazing just how many people do appreciate the person I am, and return the courtesy of being honest with me.

I suppose, even though those painful years of my life were hard, I've been able to take the few good things from the situation. It taught me tolerance, compassion and acceptance, for I knew I never wanted to be like them, and I knew that I was going to place all my efforts into ensuring that noone was ever going to feel like that in my presence. So, it helped me become a better person. I live to make people smile, to make them happy and to show them the good in life.

Sure, there are times when I get down and upset, but I always have the people around me to pick me up.
It was an amazing learning experience for me. I suppose you can tell people a million times over to forget about everyone else and just be themselves, but in most cases it takes something drastic to bring change about. I'm so glad I'm not afraid anymore to be myself, to be different from everyone else. I hope anyone who reads this feels comfortable enough to be themselves, and isn't afraid to show the world how beautiful they are. If not, I hope this gives you the courage to do so, and live life without regret.
Till next time GenQ'ers,
Learn, Love, Live.

Tags: coming out, lesbian