It was almost a year ago that I was once again becoming single. While many may view this as a sad time, I was quite relieved. My previous three-year relationship was very turbulent and upsetting. I had felt trapped for quite some time and against my better judgment (and the advice of everyone around me), I continued the charade for longer than any sane person might bother. Though I suffer from the occasional moment of loneliness, the freedom far outweighs the cost.

Many of us are blinded in relationships. We develop “tunnel vision” and block out the negative aspects. Sometimes, we cover up problems with excuses. Our desire to feel loved can cause us to forsake our own happiness and individuality just to maintain the comfort of our surroundings. We are creatures of habit. Change often frightens us.

In our effort to maintain any relationship, be those good or bad, we lose our focus and understanding of what a relationship is. Jewelers tell us love is diamonds. Confectioners remind us that love is a box of chocolates. Florists convince us that it’s roses. We are bombarded constantly by the outside forces of marketing and numbed to the realities of it all.

In short, we forget what love is.

Many of us have an idea of what love is not. Throughout our lives, we experience many events which shape our perceptions of love. We find out that love isn’t physical pain or torture. Someone who harms us deliberately or maliciously doesn’t truly love us. It isn’t sex, either. Often, the two are confused. We can have sex without love or love without sex. Though sex is often a product of love and desire, they are not necessarily interchangeable.

Most importantly, how we express our love is habitually substituted for love itself. Genuine love doesn’t come in a box. It can’t be purchased in a store. No amount of candles or tickets can replace it. It cannot be procured with a cottage, white picket fence, and children. It doesn’t need a marriage license or church approval. It is not tradable for goods and services. We cannot ask for it, demand it, take it from someone, or force it upon anyone.

Unfortunately, it can be fleeting at times. Love can be voided out. There are no guarantees.

There are countless types of love surrounding us at any given moment. Love, in its sincerest form, is unconditional comfort. Nurturing support. Tolerance. It is absent of fear or boundaries. It means not being abandoned for your beliefs and views. Not fearing what tomorrow may bring.

Often we forget the truest forms of love that stare us in the face every day: our friends. They are the longest lasting love we may ever know and experience. The love of friends often last a lifetime, while a relationship may wither in a few years or even months. Our friends may disappoint us or irritate us, but we are far more forgiving toward them than we are of our partners. We may lose contact with friends from time to time, but the bonds we form linger. Any true or worthwhile friendship can weather the harshest storms and survive, just as any romantic relationship.

Never turn your back on the unromantic forms. Though most of us hope and dream that we will one day meet our soul mate, he or she may never cross our path. If we stay focused on the romantic, deep love and forget other manifestations of affection, we risk losing the love that is always there. The love given to us by family and friends. The love we often ignore and cast aside like a thank-you note.

The honest, true love that only comes once in a lifetime.