Tonight I wandered into the Australian Pizza House on Hindley Street and by chance I spied my ex-boyfriend Zack and his new girlfriend Bethany.

It has been sometime since I saw my ex boyfriend, several months in fact. Upon seeing him I felt a twinge of remembrance of our time together, it got me to thinking that whenever we make a place for someone in our heart, it never goes away, it never really heals and waits to be replaced - it's still there specifically for that person.

Even when you part with those you love/loved and move on, there is always a part of you that remembers how much you loved that person. "Out of sight, out of mind, out of mind, out of heart" - this does work because when you don't think about them you are fine, it is just when you see them or hear about them, that is when you may feel a little teary.

I have only ever been truly in love with four people in my life - two of which were male, and I feel in my experience I have gained some wisdom on 'matters of the heart'.

I believed that after the four or so months of grieving the breakup with the ex in question that I had completely destroyed the part of me that loved him and every time he was mentioned I was indifferent to it, even when I saw him at mutual friend's parties, things may have been barely civil but I still tried to avoid him as much as possible due to our messy "over-the-phone" breakup.

Now when he is mentioned or seen, almost a year since we were together, I do sometimes feel jealous of his new girlfriend for taking my place. This could be said of all my other loves who have moved on and got new partners; developed feelings for someone else; "want to get to know" someone else; or have someone who is moving from another country for them even though I am only a state away geographically.

I often feel like i have lived an entire lifetime in the space of four years. I am at a stage now, in my young life, where I just want someone to hold and cherish forever; someone to come home to; someone to devote the entirety of my heart to. The prospects of this seem limited as the two current or most recent "candidates" for the position of "my lover" are either interested someone else, or a state away and have feelings for another who is moving from Europe for her. It puts one in an impossible position - do you risk a broken heart in pursuit or true love or do you wallow in self pity and mourning of people you can never be with again?

Personally, I am an opportunist in the most positive sense - 'if the opportunity exists then seize it!’ I plan to embrace the future with my newfound optimism and wisdom. One can live without love - but it is truly beautiful to behold if you find it in its true and lasting form - but remember love is only a feeling...

Tags: gay, lesbian, relationships